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I’d like the first number to be the higher of the two.

I just don’t want the drama.

Drama, like pride, can hurt as well as lift the spirits and I’m tired of jumping between heart-swelling highs and bowel-shattering lows when all I want from the game is three points.



I’d just like an honest to God game of football without the additional hearts and flowers of ‘the last ever game at Goodison’ and ‘David Moyes back for another derby’.

.

I just want our 11 lads against another 11 lads and for our 11 lads to win.

I mean, I know it’s unlikely, but I’d like Mo Salah to have a black and white photo of Jarrad Branthwaite tucked into his bedroom mirror like in Rocky IV